John Wilkes: The Greatest Explorer Ever?

Well he is according to Cooper...and that has to count for something right? If old "Fenni" (to use a nickname gifted JFC by a girl I knew in college) thinks you are the greatest, what more could you possibly ask, wish, want or desire of fate?

I believe I'll let the man speak for himself:
"There are islands to the southward of Cape Horn, and a good many of them too, though none very near. It is now known, also, by means of the toils and courage of various seamen, including those of the persevering and laborious Wilkes, the most industrious and the least rewarded of all the navigators who have ever worked for the human race in this dangerous and exhausting occupation, that a continent is there also; but, at the period of which we are writing, the existence of the Shetlands and Palmer's Land was the extent of the later discoveries in that part of the ocean" (from Cooper's The Sea Lions (page number pending as I'm on campus and using the Project Gutenberg text)).

I read this a while ago (it's actually in the first volume of the meticulously proofread Kessinger reprint of the text. I'm really quite appreciative of the folks at Kessinger and all they do pour le monde du lettres , so I'm not complaining...just commenting. And it's not a snide comment. Well ok, it is. But it isn't meant to be taken as overtly so. I'm sorry Kessinger. I love you. Everyone head over there and buy rather overpriced sort of poorly proofed -- damn. I'll just stop now.

Anyway, Cooper's Sea Lions. What a book. It's seriously great in the vein of Pierre and Fanshawe...but all of Cooper's works are like that. It's like how ridiculous old people wearing way too much Elizabeth Taylor's White Diamonds go off about how pugs or some other god-awful-ugly breed of dog is just the "ccuuuutest wittle creatur' that ever walked the eaaaarth," only...less phony. And true. In this case. Yes, Fenni is a fabulous author. You learn to love him - you know? Even with all of his crazy patriotism and bizarre interludes...his science lessons for the audience he openly proclaims to be simpleminded...just everything really. Fenimore, you are "my reason for being" -- to quote a phrase from the Phillip Glass opera Einstein on the Beach (from Knee 5 -- my favorite! (They cut off the end...the best part! oh well...). If you haven't checked out Einstein on the Beach, definitely do so. At least the music. I'm not all too certain about the visuals. Something tells me that they were projected? I don't know. I should look this up.

But not right now. I'm on campus. So anyway, everyone go read The Sea Lions! Your life will by much improv'd by th' experience.

Symzonia: Clearly A Burlesque!!

Dear reader, have patience and peruse the following:

"Of nautical instruments, chronometers, and books treating upon matters in any way connected with my object, I provided liberally. Least of all did I omit Symmes's Memoirs and printed Lectures. Finally, having completed all my arrangements and settled all my affairs, I took leave of my wife and children, whom, as I had no particular friends, I left to the humanity and kindness of the world, and set sail on the 1st day of August, 1817" (20).

"Whether I did or did not see a flying fish, catch a dolphin, or observe a black whirling cloud called a water-spout, is of very little importance to the world" (21).

"Mr. Slim, the third mate, expressed some apprehension, that great danger might be encountered in high southern latitudes; that if we found land, the ice might close upon us and prevent our return to our country...I was not much pleased with this. I have no patience with an officer who suggests doubts and difficulties when I have a grand project in view. I marked him, but at the same time pretended to listen to his observations, as objections of great weight, and then proceeded to remove them from the minds of the officers and people..." (39).

"A plague upon your lean carcass, thought I, how am I to answer so many impertinent questions" (46).

"...but you don't know everything; your mind is too dense to admit the rays of intelligence" (46). [on the likelihood of being roasted, as opposed to frozen, in the antarctic]

NOW, one last thing. Look at this.

"The Library of Congress catalogued the book... with no reference to Symmes. The [catalog] card erroneously described the book as 'A burlesque on Symmes's Theory of Concentric Spheres,' but this dull and earnest book is no burlesque" (Preface, J.O. Bailey, UNC, 1964)

Uh, Dr. Bailey, sir? How did you land a job in academia?